Its funny how when your little you cant wait for your life to begin. Longing for the day you can go on a "Car date", kiss a boy, marry Matthew McConahay. Then your older you just yearn for it to slow down, to have 5 more minutes of snuggle time with the 8 year old who barely fits on your lap, praying for one more night with a man that Matthew Mcconahay cant even hold a candle to, and wishing that time could freeze just for another instant in those perfect moments. I have been repeating a mantra lately- it includes only two words, SLOW DOWN. I have to remind myself that life is so precious and while its awesome to have such a busy life it comes with a cost. That cost is often my own sanity. So when I feel overwhelmed, when I feel defeated, when I feel like my emotions are getting the best of me --I just keep telling myself SLOW DOWN .SLOW DOWN. SLOW DOWN. These are likely the two words runners shouldn't tell themselves, but even when running lately I have been mentally slowing down, making myself feel what my body is doing, feel the air going in and out of my lungs, feel my feet pounding the pavement, the sound my arms make when they swing against my body. One of the coolest thing about doing the runs is the new places to look at while you run. This is why running on a treadmill is such a challenge for me. There is nothing interesting to look at to distract me from the fact I may indeed be dying. Running is hard. For me it never gets easier,it doesn't matter that I ran 7 miles two weeks ago. Three miles still takes everything out of me.
This weekend I ran the 7th Annual Jingle Jam at the South Suburban YMCA. The jingle jam was another early morning, I don't care how many runs I do, the mornings will continue to be the bane of my exercise existence. I would also take the opportunity to thank Boone Walmart for not towing our cars during last months race-- even when we are parked in the middle of the lane blocking at least one of four parking areas. Because of my problem with functioning early in the morning, I parked my van in front of another car which was not in ANY space at all! It was in fact parked in the middle of the driving area. Luckily the kind people of Walmart did not tow our cars, but instead surrounded them with large orange cones for the majority of their morning and afternoon business hours. When we came back to get the cars, it was clear to us that the orange cones were our scarlet letter of idiocy and another example of why mornings suck. Are there no nighttime races??
The morning of the Jingle Jam I was careful to park within the legal lines. It was my turn to drive to the race and it was also a good excuse to clean my van. Understand that when I say clean my van I mean that there will be space for feet to be set and seat belts to be buckled. We live out of our car, and because of that there are normally multiple half eaten meals on the seat, floors, and streaks of frosty on the ceiling, on any given day my van contains sports equipment, toys, books, props, coats, shoes without matches, socks without matches, baby wipes new & used, Pokemon cards, receipts, unopened mail, opened mail, and a variety of unidentified objects. Most people without children are disturbed by my van, and to be brutally honest even some with kids bring their scentsy spray when they ride with me :)
On the ride down it was raining. It was snowing. It was windy. It was cold. It was miserable. I was determined to run regardless! Dirty Skirts if nothing else are determined. Three lovely ladies were brave enough to run in the most miserable conditions. We arrived on time, got our packets and chips, and entered the costume contest. We donned pink Santa hats and bells on our shoes! We waited in the gym and when the time came we piled outside. It was pretty cool when the gun fired off to hear every ones jingle bells ringing down the street. The route had a lot more hills than I anticipated. About 8 minutes in the fastest runners were already looping back around and were halfway done, one of which was stripped down to nothing but a pair of shorts!! Along the course we had a fan club, which was kinda cool! People yelling "Go Dirty Skirts!" When I would pass people, or more often when they would pass me, they would say " they were at LHF race" or " awesome shirts". I even had 2 people say they read my blog after seeing me in my get up. I always get a small surge of happiness when someone says they read or were inspired by my blog. Its because of that that I know I am NEVER in this journey alone. There are other people out there like me. Who arent athletic or perfect who are just trying to be better and prove to themselves and to everyone else that they can do it.
I always think about quitting when I am running, but today I didn't. I just thought about the warm forever lazy waiting for me at the end, and how thankful I am for my husband. The night before our race he had a minor surgical procedure and I was thinking about the kind of man I married and why. Many people told us we shouldn't get married, they said we were too young, too broke, too inexperienced and for the most part they were right, but the things I loved about my husband 13 years ago are still the things I love about him now. He loves me unconditionally and uncontrollably, he loved me when I was 250 pounds and never said one word about my shape. He loves me even when I am unlovable. He is an amazing father and a loyal friend. He has showed me that losing weight is about mind over matter from experience. Steve lost over 80 pounds in order to join the army many years ago and believe it or not he did it by running. He ran everyday around the track and I would go sit on the sideline and watch. In my head I didn't think he could do it, he was slow, he had too far to go, he wasn't going to stick to it-- but I never said it out loud. He proved me wrong as he often does. He lost 80 pounds, many pants sizes and joined the US Army out of pure determination. Although I was proud of him, I don't think until recently I appreciated the amazing thing he accomplished in our first year of marriage. I am proud to be married to someone who not only is determined for himself but also offers me unconditional support of ideas. When I say I am going to do something no matter how hair brained it sounds, Steve knows I can do it, he doesn't second guess me, he doesn't criticize me, he just believes in me. That is one of the things that has gotten us through the tough times in our marriage. If you want something bad enough in your life you go after it. You take a chance. You reap the rewards. You endure the consequences. You persevere. That's what Steve and I do everyday with our love. We love each other. Sometimes that love is complicated. Sometimes its easy. Sometimes its tolerant and sometimes not. But we just keep keeping on. My friend Kathy always says that running is cheaper than therapy and I am really starting to believe her. I used to think people ran because they had nothing better to do,(I had far better things to accomplish with my time). I used to think people were just wasting valuable time with nonsense, but it turns out I was just wasting time with my own judgements.
I finished the race 2 minutes faster than any of my other times and finished 10th in my class. I should mention the fact that I don't have any idea how many women were in my class, and I think I would just prefer to think there were at least 100 :) All in All I was pretty impressed with myself. There was food abounding for the FIRST time which was great to not be greeted with an empty table of crumbs and smashed bananas. We had water, bagels, yogurt, granola bars! We ended the run with listening to the awards ceremony and getting our photo with Santa.
I love Santa! I love Christmas, and this year partly in due to my mantra we are doing an old fashioned Christmas. I am making 90% of my gifts and instead making a conscious choice to spend less money and more time with my family. If we all spent even a little less, and instead donated to something noble, something bigger than ourselves, something that makes a real tangible difference in peoples lives we could make a real Christmas miracle. When I was done running I enjoyed clean fresh water, got into a cleanish dry car, drove home to a cleanish warm house, and spent the rest of the day with the most important things in my beautifully complicated life my family and friends. Life really doesn't get much better than this!
Me looking sweaty and hot after the run!
The DIE HARD Dirty Skirts!Video About Spending Less This Season! Check it Out! 